What a blackout did for me...

A while ago, our house experienced a black out for half an hour. I hate black outs... it disrupts our activities, it gets warm and stuffy, there is no power to do anything, it just left me sitting around in boredom...

But tonight was different. I had an emotional upheaval almost throughout the day, from a 'boring' anniversary with no celebration and an active 2.5 yo who couldn't stopped messing up the room and refused to take his nap. He wouldn't stopped meddling with our computers and I was annoyed with dealing with his disobedience.

It got so bad that I shouted at him just now. I guessed I was lashing out on him for a number of reasons. Suddenly, I felt bitter and stressed with this whole thing about motherhood. It sounded trivial if I were to tell you that I am tired of eating cold lunches and dinners, because I had to feed Clayton first whenever we dined out. Then, I ended up eating without really enjoying the food at all. Half the time, I would be eating the leftovers with the tendency to hurry my meals so that we can get out of the restaurant. How many of you mothers know what I mean?

It sounded so selfish but I realized that it was getting into me. I had allowed all the other negative emotions to overwhelm me that I didn't even know that they were bottled up to an unhealthy level.

The blackout caused me to quiet down while patting Clayton to sleep in the dark. I felt sorry, lousy and convicted of my bitter actions and emotions. I asked God and Clayton for forgiveness. I forgave DH for being insensitive and unsupportive and I forgave myself. I prayed for strength and patience, for wisdom to be and not to be.

This blackout was meant for me...