I've been doing a lot of pondering and reflections lately. I'm not sure if I'm hitting the mid life crisis but my memory bank is working hard, bringing back many thoughts of yesteryears to my mind.
I start to recall snippets of childhood, teenage years, early adulthood... snippets of good days, fun times, happy occasions, love notes, hurting moments, painful memories, shattered dreams, wounded hearts and broken toils.
All of a sudden, I'm sentimental again, pondering over regrets and failures of life. I struggle to balance those negative thoughts with positiveness, gratitude and thankfulness... I am afraid to dwell in them. I am afraid of confusion and pain.
I know I'll never find answers to the many things that happen in my life. Things that make meask, 'Why God? Why did I do the things I did? And why didn't I do the things I should?'
Yet, amidst these confusion, uncertainties, fears, disappointments, pain, hurts and the cloud of negativity hovering over my head, I know there is a Saviour Friend. He is there to hold me, comfort me, accept my mistakes, heal, restore, comfort and love.
In faith, I let Him take His place, show me the way, bring me the comfort and reassure me with His grace. In Him, I find forgiveness, I receive healing. Before Him, I shed those tears, I look up, I move on.
Even if I made the worst mistakes or commit the worst sin in my life today, I know choosing Him as my Saviour Friend is the BEST decision I have made in my life on earth.
With that in place.. I carry on... I hang on.